New Year, New Start?

New Year, New Start?
Hey everyone! Bonne Année, Happy New Year etc!
January has brought my dreaded return to Lille. I have now been back for ten days, and a lot has happened since then. At the start, I felt that empty, painful feeling of loneliness. I don’t know how many of you have experienced this, but the feeling is not a force to be reckoned with. It deflates you and exhausts you. It makes you paranoid, like nobody back home is thinking about you and there’s nobody in your new home who cares about you. In a nut-shell it sucks, and it epitomises my first week. For a change, and this may surprise some people, but school was my only escape. My flat which had become a shrine to my boyfriend and family and best friends turned into a place I didn’t want to be in, because I had just left them all behind.
School became my refuge. I wanted to do extra classes, although there were none.

 This quickly changed on the first Thursday of my return. Not only was I up at 5.30am, but my lovely 8-10 class were being wee arseholes to me. They usually get involved but I suppose their way of dealing with the holiday blues was to detach from school, unlike myself. So the two hours dragged in. Next was break time, where my responsible came to me to ask me to prepare a lesson on Scotland for my two segunde (kids between 15-17) classes. “Yes, no problem” was my response, “Is this for tomorrow?”. She replied, “No, well yes, I mean every Friday until the end of the year.” That’s right, I have to come up with 14 weeks worth of lessons on Scotland. How the hell? The main problem is that the kids English is poor, and therefore I’m limited in what I can talk about! Disaster. To finish off this horrendous day where it was starting to feel like ‘old’ times, I had the class from hell next.

Imagine the worst kid in your second year high school class, you know, the one who was a total prick and who always carried on and who came in smelling like hash and had 4 babies by the time he was 16. Multiply this by 25. This is what made up my next class, with the slightly inexperienced stagier teacher. At the start of the lesson, the teacher puts new class rules on the board for them to copy. They do so…not in their copy books, but on their desks, their hands, and any other thing that wasn’t paper. Then she threatens them with not benefiting from my teaching. Uh-oh. They then noticed me and start shouting things in English, pidgin English. Random words like “England”, “Sex”, “Beautiful”, “New Year”, and “Sex” are hurled at me. Then one boy stands up, with another. He shouts, “FULL MONTY”. He then proceeds to start stripping, while his compadre hums the theme tune. Luckily, he only gets as far as his jumper before the stagier steps in. She starts screaming at the top of her lungs and then…bursts into tears. I mean, proper sobbing about how much she hates the class and how horrible they are. So disaster day. I went home, sobbing myself at the fact I could no longer drown myself in my work for fear of being accused of operating a French paedophile ring of some sort, and couldn’t feel comfortable at home, as the constant reminders of the people I had left behind got me down.


Then Saturday came. It’s amazing how much you under-estimate a simple night in. But with those girls, it was fabulous. After a strict cleaning regime on the Saturday, my humble little flat was ready to play host to 8 of the most amazing girls ever! Some people throw themselves into friendships on their year abroad, just for the sake of having anyone to talk to. I’m glad to say that these are girls I would happily be friends with for life. Each of them contributes a healthy dose of reality into my life, with boy problems, homesick problems, rent and food costs…all things I can relate to because at some point we’ve all went through it. It’s like my own little family right here in Lille. If anyone looks at my face book pictures from that night you can see genuine happiness on my face. It was exactly what I needed, and we are doing the same this week!
It’s only 9 days til I take my ass to Brussels and catch a flight home for the weekend and I’m so excited! Even though I’ve just left, and even though I’ve got my Lille ladies to support me…there’s no place like him!
Speak soon lads, bisous xxxxxxxx

Thinking

So it's been exactly four weeks since my last blog entry, and what a month it has been! I've had a visit from Caitlin and Donna, a trip to barcelona, a stolen blackberry, an asthma attack, food poisoning, sad news about Amy's family, a night in London and a six hour drive on the way home thanks to the best boyfriend ever.

However, nothing humbles you more than the death of someone so close to you; someone that you had taken for granted and assumed would be there when you returned from the shitty year abroad. My Dad was right when he said that the only sure thing in life is death, but that doesn't make you feel better. Before this week, I had thought this year in France had taught me that i hated french people, that I had the worst luck ever and that no matter how many times I say i'm going to change, I have the worst temper ever. However I now realise that this year abroad has taught me that i'm selfish. I forget about the people back home and only concentrate on my problems and that i'm so self-absorbed. My granda was without a shadow of a doubt the kindest, most amazing man i have ever met. He always put others before himself and was the cleanest living man God put breath in to. And so I have decided that the death of him shall not make my dreaded return to France sad or depressing...but that I will channel his personality into myself. I won't let trite things bother me, and if they do I will not blame it on anyone other than myself. My faith has been made stronger with this passing, rather than the weakened version it was in France. As they say, every dark and stormy cloud has a silver lining...

<3

countdown!

Bon soir!

Been a while since the last blog update, sucks to be you eh? Not hearing about my fabulous life in France must be shit!

Since the last hopeful and uplifting blog entry, my positive attitude seems to be continuing! Although, I dont want to mislead anyone into thinking that this has to do with France/French people/School. It mainly has to do with visitors/Christmas time/BEING HOME!

The level of my excitement for going home is reminiscent of a child writing their list to Santa; the feeling that its coming and youre on a countdown. So far, my blackberry messanger contacts and my facebook friends have been subjected to  a daily countdown...we are currently at 24 days! Eeeeek! Planning what to pack and take already. This is how sad my life has become! Have also planned an all day and night date with my man on the friday which includes Harry Potter, Dinner and Drinks! Cant wait to dress up! Since arriving en France the dressiest thing i've worn is an h&m dress, with tights and brogues! My fake tanning has been cut down dramatically, as has the straigtening of my hair! Its not that i have lost any pride in my appearance, its that they kinda dont care in this country and i was also told in school that my skin was an "eeeeedious" colour when i put fake tan on once! So why bother?

Speaking of this, I have a new visitor arriving on thursday, my delightful friend Donna who is going to a lot of hassle to see me! It includes a flight from glasgow to beauvais (Boke), a bus from beauvais to paris gare du nord, and a train from gare du nord to Lille Flandres! Now if that isnt friendship, i dunno what is! All the rest of you lot better take note, Donna has set the bar! This also means that the aforementioned tanning and hair straightening will have to be kick started again. For all of you who know Donna, high maintenance is being kind! If i turn up at the train station with my hair tied back, pasty white with no make-up on she won't hide her disgust! It might be a good thing to get back into this beauty regime again, seeing as i will be greeted at Glasgow central by my man in 3 weeks! Looking forward to my weekend with D, can't wait for a proper gossip...I miss the pub sorely for our little catch ups, much to Charles' disgust! I swear he's regretted putting us on the shift since that first fateful saturday!

Anyway, I will be in school tomorrow-Shocker eh? I'm hoping this is the first week since arrival that I will be able to do my contracted 12 hours without any greves or illness or lack of professional ettiquette! We'll see how it goes though!

Love to you all

Bisous x

Little Ray of Sunshine

Bonjour!

As the title of this shows, I have decided to turn over a new leaf! As much as you all get a kick of my insane ranting and general hostility toward the French (especially Miss Sweeney as I'm sure i've brightened many a dull day for her), for my sanity and that of my loved ones I have decided to be calm. Calm Ciara...you guys can call me that (although not really coz it's laaaaame). Honestly, looking back over my blog entries I see I have a lot of rage, most of it justified yes, but still too much. This is a year abroad. A year away from Uni and the chance to experience another culture is pretty amazing.

This new attitude does not change the fact I miss home like mad and actually in all honesty, can't wait to see my loved ones again. However, anger towards France does not make the time pass quicker. I have come to realise, due to recent happenings just how amazing my boyfriend, family and friends are. It actually lets you see the ones who are your actual friends, who still make the effort to contact you while you're not in the same country as them. The general concern and support people have shown me is absolutely amazing. I know i am a pretty awesome person, and the lack of my presence in your life may lead to depression, but was genuinely shocked at people's thoughts for me.

I also read on a friends blog that her and her boyfriend recently had the discussion of "are we talking too much while youre away/am i ruining the experience" and I can totally relate to that as Chris and I have spoke about this also. I can honestly say, that without blackberry messanger I would be home. The fact I can text him something good/(mostly)bad and get his response right away makes it so much better. There are many who will think this is ridiculous, but the man honestly keeps me sane and this year abroad has totally made me appreciate him.

The same goes for my family, in particular my brother Paul. Always there by bbm, always someone you can count on for advice and support etc. I suppose nothing has actually changed because I've always known that my family members are there for me no matter what, but it truly makes you appreciate them when you no longer have them. No doubt by Christmas day, I will have argued with every member of the Fitzpatrick household a few times over, including Ruairi; Chris and I will have fallen out at somepoint over some ridic thing; and I wont be keeping in touch with many of my friends on facebook or e-mail. But i know the minute i return to Lille, it'll be right back to normal. Can honestly say this year would not be possible without them!

Gonna leave you with this quite strange blog entry. I felt it had to be done to show my love and appreciation for everyone, and to show that im not a cold hearted much as many would think! Going to see the social network tomoz with my new lads can't wait!

Bisous xxx

Casse Toi, La France!

Salut!

For those of you who didn't hear my breakdown, or who I didn't tell...this has literally been the worst week of my life! I seemed to be coping well with Chris leaving...until i returned to school! School is definately the worst thing about my time here in France! I HATE to be negative because i know this is meant to be the time of my life and i should be making the most of it, although if one more person says those two phrases to me again, I may stab them right in the face, however people dont realise how hard it is!

Returned to school after a short holiday on Thursday am. My first two hour class had a test for the first hour/hour and half so i was told to just sit. and watch them. do their test. in silence. whoopee for me. Since their was only half an hour left, there wasnt time to do a lesson so I was told she didnt need me and i should just go to the salle des profs until my next class. I met my next class' teacher who said, Oh Ciara, my class have a test today so I dont need you. Bearing in mind these were my only classes of the day and i had just paid 13euro for a train ticket to get there! Have these people never heard of e-mail? text? social and working etiquette?!?!

So, I returned home, in the vain hope that tomorrow would be better. Aye, good one Ciara! Arrived in school at 7.30 for an 8am start. I was determined to be positive and not let anything get me down. Quelle Suprise, that didnt last very long! There was no sign on my teacher in the staff room, so at 8am i made my way to class. There was a teacher there who informed me my teacher was sick and I was to take the class. I knew this wasn't right. I am not a trained teacher, and being patient and dealing with a binch of brats is not my forte! However, i knew the class so i thought, okay just this once. From 9-10 i had a break, so i made my way to the salle des profs where a fellow english teacher sat with me. In walks an office lady. She asks where the english assistant is, and proceeds to tell me i will be covering my ill teacher's classes to me, while handing me her timetable. I knew i wasnt allowed to do this, this was not part of my contract and i do not get paid buttons to be somebodies supply! While i have a frown on my face, she turns to the other teacher and says, does she speak french? To which the english teacher replies, bah not very well.....

*In My Head* HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW IF I SPEAK FRENCH OR NOT?! YOU DONT LET ME SPEAK FRENCH TO YOU, YOU IGNORANT DICK!!!!

Of course i didn't say this, i just said No...this isn't my job and she replies, yeah but who else is gonna do it?! So i get bullied into taking this timetable. This means i miss all my own nice classes and im stuck with bratty brats!! The last class of the day were the worst. There were 28. They were 14. I was about to fucking explode! As i had no prep for these classes, i made them do presentations of themself. One smart arse stood up and said "I like Scottish girls and I like sex". Typically, the class laughed. I didnt. I gave this boy, of 14 years, what can only be described as a death glare. I mean i almost growled at him. Once he saw my face he went white, apologised and sat down.

It was literally horrible. I cried hysterically for about half an hour when i got home and phoned Chris who told me to phone my mum. She calmed me!

So, from this entry you can decipher that i hate school. However, good things are on the horizon!

I have Donna visiting in 2 weeks. Barcelona in 3 weeks, and home in five weeks! Something to keep me going!

Hope this didnt depress you that much, thought i'd keep you updated!

Love and Bisous xxxx

Encore!

Awrite lads? Missed me? Aye, thought so!

Since my last post, beaucoup has happened...including the arrival and departure of my man!

On the saturday i took the train up to dunkerque and the plan was to meet him driving of the ferry looking absolutely fabulous. Of course in true ciara en france style, did that fuck happen! My train got me in for 11am France time, 10am british time which meant Chris hadn't left on the ferry yet! I had about 3 hours to kill before i'd see him. I took a look about and saw some boats and ports so thought all i had to do was walk five minutes to get him. Thus, i settled down with my Twlight book and a large drink in McDo and was happy as larry. I resembled a child at christmas, that was all about to change!

About 1pm, unable to take the excitement and sick of looking at my watch every 16 seconds i decided to walk to the port and wait there for him, as chris said they were slowing down and he could see France. This is where havoc ensued! His port was called Port Quest, and i walked 6 and a half miles through shitty building sites and duel carriage ways, and was still follwing signs for Port Quest! By this time, Chris was off the ferry and driving about France on the phone to me trying to find me. I was hysterical and my battery was running low. I was walking down duel carriage ways crying and noone would stop for me to ask directions, not even the police!! Eventually, we decided the best idea would be to walk back to the train station to see if he could find me. Thus i journeyed back! I eventually got to the train station, and while trying to find a street address for him to put in his sat nav, i spotted the fancy alloy wheels of a honda civic and i knew it was MY honda civic! I had found him eventually, thank fook! After our hugs and kisses i looked in the mirror and saw my tear stained face with make up halfway down it. Lovely. Looking Fabulous Ciara :|

The week quickly showed that France was not for my man. He hated it, and I think he thought i would be enjoying it much more! In the space of a week he got 3 parking tickets, as there are no signs in France to tell you wwhere you can and cant park! Also, he had brought a hefty amount of money, but as i had NONE we were running low with all the wine drinking we were doing! Also, i realised i was back at school sooner than i thought! We came to the agreement that i needed to get into a routine to try and get the most out of the experience and this going home was better for him! In hindsight, its for the best, althought on Sunday night i was a total wreck! I miss him already but know we are better than ever :)

Still no further forward with my love for french people! Still rude. Still smelly. Still sleazy. Lille is delightful though, as Rachel Ward will tell you! Went to the zoo and saw some animals for free! Tis always a sweet treat!

Been feeling homesick recently but think its gradually lifting now! Got Donna coming out to visit me in 3 weeks so thats keeping me happy and then I'm home on the Eurostar on the 16th of |December! How exciting eh? You all better be grateful for my presence!

Think im rambled enough in this post! Back to school on thursday so will no doubt have some tale to tell after that!

A birntot! x

Oh yeah!

Bonjour lads!

A quicker update this week...not i have alot to tell you about i just like my own self promotion :)

Tuesday was another no-go getting into school, and  I had a training day today soooo it has been a week since i've been in school! Lots could've happened in that time, though i severely doubt it! The training day today was all about techniques to promote active learning and not have the kids bored in your lesson. All sorts of games ensued, which were fun for the first 13 seconds! Was sitting throughout thinking "how the feck do i apply this to MY kids?!" The lads of Lille who look like they'd stab you if you suggested any sort of interacttive game! Sound, aye?

Anyway, pretty shattered today and got another early start tomorrow :( I do have some positives though as Chris will be here in approx 42 hours (who's counting?) and a delightful erasmus e-mail means some money will be coming my way! Yay!!

Anyway, quite possibly the last update before my man arrives, and Toussaint will be fairly uneventful so don't miss me too much! Special mention to Sara Senga Webster, who wanted me to mention her in my blog! I'm pretty much a hero/icon/idol of hers, so this will be like Christmas come early! Hope i havent damaged her too much with my sarcastic abuse of France, and that she follows my lead in making the world a better place, by gracing it with our presence! Miss you lots munchkin! <3

A bientot, and some love!! x